Never a True Christian
Therefore, the Bible is True

  1. CIRCULAR LOGIC ARGUMENT
    (1)   The Bible says that the Bible is true.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  2. EGOCENTRIST ARGUMENT
    (1)   I define "deity" to be Biblegod.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
    (1)   I can conceive of a perfect God.
    (2)   One of the qualities of perfection is existence.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  4. ABANDONMENT OF INTELLECT ARGUMENT
    (1)   Look at the universe.   Isn't it complex?
    (2)   Only Biblegod could have made something that's so complex.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  5. ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY
    (1)   Isn't that sunset beautiful?
    (2)   Only Biblegod could have made something so beautiful.
    (3)   No ... no, it couldn't have been some other god who made it.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  6. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
    (1)   My aunt had cancer.
    (2)   The doctors gave her chemotherapy.
    (3)   My aunt prayed to Biblegod, and now she doesn't have cancer.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  7. PONYTAIL ARGUMENT
    (1)   Mr. X, a grown man (and a well-known atheist), wears his hair in a ponytail.
    (2)   Grown men shouldn't wear ponytails.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  8. MORAL ARGUMENT
    (1)   In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, lying, fornicating bastard.
    (2)   That all changed when I got saved.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  9. ARGUMENT FROM FALSE DICHOTOMY
    (1)   If Islam is false, then the Bible must be true.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  10. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
    (1)   Biblegod has threatened to torture you forever if you don't believe in him.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  11. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE ITSELF
    (1)   [A passage from Old Testament]
    (2)   [A passage from New Testament]
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  12. ARGUMENT FROM ME BEING SMARTER THAN YOU
    (1)   Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain it to you stupid atheists.   I guess it's too complicated for you to understand.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  13. ARGUMENT FROM YOU BEING SMARTER THAN I
    (1)   Okay, I realize you're smarter than I am, and you know the Bible better than I ever will.   But I feel Biblegod in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  14. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
    (1)   If the Bible is true, then I should believe it.
    (2)   I believe the Bible.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  15. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
    (1)   See this bonfire, you fuckin' atheist?
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  16. PARENTAL ARGUMENT
    (1)   My Mommy and Daddy told me the Bible is true.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  17. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
    (1)   Millions and millions of people believe in the Bible.
    (2)   They can't all be wrong, can they?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  18. ARGUMENT FROM MARANATHA
    (1)   Maranatha!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  19. ARGUMENT FROM INSULT
    (1)   Jesus is Lord, you bastard!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  20. ARGUMENT FROM "YOU HURT MY FEELINGS"
    (1)   How can you be so negative and rude about the sincere beliefs of good people?
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  21. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY
    (1)   There's this really neat website that proves the Bible is true.   I don't remember all the arguments it makes, but here's the URL.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  22. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
    (1)   Nobody really understands the Bible, since it came from the mind of God.
    (2)   So God is real, real smart ... smarter than you!
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  23. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
    (1)   I can go on TV and hold up the Bible and people will send me money.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  24. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS
    (1)   Atheists are spiritually blind.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  25. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
    (1)   Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
    (2)   Therefore, there is no foolproof way to challenge a proposition.
    (3)   I propose that the Bible is true.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  26. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
    (1)   The Bible is true.
    (2)   I don't give a shit whether or not you believe it; I have better things to do than to try to convince a fool like you.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  27. ARGUMENT FROM EXTREME SMUGNESS
    (1)   Fuck you.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  28. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
    (1)   If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  29. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
    (1)   A plane crashed, killing 143 passengers and crew.
    (2)   One child survived with only second-degree burns.   And his mother was a Southern Baptist.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  30. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
    (1)   The majority of the world's population don't believe the Bible.
    (2)   This is just what Satan intended.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  31. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
    (1)   God loves you.
    (2)   How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  32. ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL
    (1)   Jesus died for your sins.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  33. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
    (1)   See that person lying on the church floor speaking in tongues?
    (2)   That's how Infinite Wisdom reveals itself.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  34. CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT
    (1)   If the Bible is true, then I get to watch you being tortured forever.
    (2)   I kind-of like that idea.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  35. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
    (1)   Pots don't go around questioning the potter!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  36. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
    (1)   THE BIBLE IS TRUE!   GET USED TO IT!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  37. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
    (1)   The Bible says a couple of things that are historically accurate.
    (2)   Therefore, the whole Bible is true ... every word of it!

  38. ARGUMENT FROM THE AFTERLIFE
    (1)   After you die ... THEN you'll believe the Bible!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  39. ARGUMENT FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE BEING CHRISTIANS
    (1)   A lot of really famous people are Christians.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  40. ARGUMENT FROM A MOVIE
    (1)   Lots of people went to see "The Passion of the Christ."
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  41. ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
    (1)   The Bible is true.
    (2)   [My counterargument]
    (3)   Yes it is.
    (4)   [My counterargument]
    (5)   Yes it is!
    (6)   [My counterargument]
    (7)   YES IT IS!!!
    (8)   [I give up and go home]
    (9)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  42. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
    (1)   Biblegod is ...
        (a)   the feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
        (b)   the love of a mother for her child.
        (c)   that little voice in your heart.
        (d)   mankind's potential to overcome problems.
        (e)   how I feel when I look at a sunset.
        (f)   the taste of ice cream on a hot day.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  43. ARGUMENT FROM ABSOLUTE POWER
    (1)   Power corrupts.
    (2)   Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
    (3)   Biblegod is all-powerful.
    (4)   Uhhh ... what was I saying?

  44. ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
    (1)   If there are absolute moral standards, then the Bible is true.
    (2)   Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
    (3)   But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
    (4)   Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
    (5)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  45. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
    (1)   Atheists think they don't need Biblegod.
    (2)   Which just goes to show that they DO need Biblegod.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  46. ARGUMENT FROM BEING IRRITATED
    (1)   Some atheists get irritated when Christians try to evangelize them.
    (2)   Pathetic, aren't they?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  47. ARGUMENT FROM PORNOGRAPHY
    (1)   57% of all rapists admit to having read pornography.
    (2)   95% of all rapists admit to having read the Bible.
    (3)   Hey, wait a minute ...

  48. ARGUMENT FROM DEMONIC INFLUENCE
    (1)   It's DEMONS that are preventing you from converting to Christianity.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  49. ARGUMENT FROM "THERE WERE MARTYRS"
    (1)   Through the years, many Christians have died for their faith, when they really didn't have to.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  50. ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
    (1)   You use lots of big words, you atheist intellectual asshole.
    (2)   Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth [I Cor. 8:1].
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  51. ARGUMENT FROM ME LOOKING FOOLISH
    (1)   You use lots of big words, you atheist intellectual asshole.
    (2)   God chose the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.
    (3)   You make me look pretty foolish.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  52. ARGUMENT FROM PROSPERITY
    (1)   America is a Christian nation.
    (2)   And George W. Bush rode into the White House for a second term on God's coattails.
    (3)   America is a rich, prosperous nation.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  53. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
    (1)   I've had religious experiences that can't be explained
    unless (a) I'm insane or (b) the Bible is true.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  54. ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGEVITY
    (1)   The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  55. ARGUMENT FROM SUBJECTIVITY
    (1)   Everything is subjective.
    (2)   No subjective proof can be superior to any other subjective proof.
    (3)   Based upon my subjective opinion, your opinion is false.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  56. ARGUMENT FROM GOD DOING TWO OPPOSITE THINGS
    (1)   In Acts 9, God appears in a vision and knocks Saul off his ass.
    (2)   At the same time, God knocks Saul ON his ass.
    (3)   This is God doing two opposite things at the same time.
    (4)   Only God can do two opposite things at the same time.
    (5)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  57. PROOF BY A LONG, TEDIOUS BOOK THAT NOBODY'S ACTUALLY EVER READ AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS BECAUSE IT ISN'T LOGICAL
    (1)   This is a proof of God's existence [this book ... here, take it. Sorry it's so heavy.].
    (2)   If you read this entire book, the King James Version of the Bible will be proven to be 100% true, every word of it!
    (3)   Uhhhhh ... no, I haven't read this book myself.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  58. ARGUMENT FROM THE HISTORICAL JESUS
    (1)   Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody named Jesus who actually lived, at one time, somewhere.   Maybe.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  59. ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY
    (1)   I have a large number of arguments for the validity of the Bible.
    (2)   One of them is probably true.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  60. ARGUMENT FROM GOD BEING SMART
    (1)   It is impossible to disprove the Bible unless you are smarter than God.
    (2)   Are you smarter than God?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  61. ARGUMENT FROM THE WATCH IN THE FOREST
    (1)   If there is a design, then there is a designer, and therefore a god must exist.
    (2)   Of course, that god would be Biblegod, and not some other god.
    (3)   If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a watchmaker.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  62. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
    (1)   The Bible is true.
    (2)   [Atheist makes counterarguments]
    (3)   I'll be praying for you.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  63. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM
    (1)   I don't know and you don't know either.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  64. ARGUMENT FROM IDENTITY
    (1)   Believing in Biblegod is a central part of my identity.
    (2)   You don't intend to deny my identity, do you?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  65. ARGUMENT FROM NON-CONFRONTATION
    (1)   I'm not here to argue with you atheists!
    (2)   But come on, guys, the Bible is obviously true.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  66. ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE
    (1)   I once experienced something I can't explain.
    (2)   [Atheist offers several possible explanations]
    (3)   You're just guessing!
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  67. ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
    (1)   The Bible says God created me.
    (2)   Evolution says we descended from a lower life form.
    (3)   I don't want to be related to monkeys!   You know more about your relatives than I do!   Hahahahaha!
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  68. ARGUMENT FROM PIG'S TEETH
    (1)   Some scientists once thought an old tooth was from an "ape-man."
    (2)   Later, scientists discovered it was a pig's tooth.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  69. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION
    (1)   Jesus said that people would make fun of Christians.
    (2)   People have made fun of me because I believe the Bible.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  70. ARGUMENT FROM WWJD
    (1)   I have the "What Would Jesus Do?" T-shirt, bracelet, baseball hat, and shoelaces.
    (2)   I wear them in public.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  71. ARGUMENT FROM YOUR INTEREST IN THE BIBLE
    (1)   If the Bible weren't really true, then you wouldn’t spend so much time talking about it!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  72. ARGUMENT FROM CATCH-PHRASE
    (1)   Read the Bible, it'll scare the hell out of you.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  73. ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY
    (1)   We should believe something that is probably true.
    (2)   I have arbitrarily assigned a probability of 0.75 to the proposition “The Bible is true."
    (3)   I pulled that probability right out of my ass, which I know assigns extremely high probabilities to stuff that I want to be true.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  74. ARGUMENT FROM FREE GIFT
    (1)   If some guy came up to you on the street and offered you a billion dollars for free, and demanded nothing in return, would you take the money, or deny his existence?
    (2)   [Atheist squints, not knowing where to start explaining why this "argument" is bullshit]
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  75. ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY
    (1)   Atheists don't build hospitals.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  76. ARGUMENT FROM "IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S A LIE"
    (1)   Even if the Bible is bullshit, it's a better world because people believe in it.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  77. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF INTELLECT
    (1)   You don't have to be smart to believe the Bible.
    (2)   I'm not smart, and I believe the Bible.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  78. ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM
    (1)   An airplane was hijacked by terrorists.
    (2)   The passengers prayed and attacked the terrorists.
    (3)   The plane crashed into a field, killing everybody on the plane.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  79. ARGUMENT FROM SEPTEMBER 11
    (1)   September 11 was really, really bad.
    (2)   Bad things happen to us when we're doing something bad.
    (3)   Therefore, September 11 was Biblegod's punishment for something we did.
    (4)   Maybe the bad thing was ... atheism!!!
    (5)   Yeah, that's it!   That's what pissed off Biblegod!
    (6)   No, it wasn't Catholic priests making altar boys give them blow jobs!
    (7)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  80. ARGUMENT FROM AN ATHEIST BEING A BAD GUY
    (1)   Stalin was an atheist.
    (2)   He murdered millions of people.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  81. ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
    (1)   All U.S. currency contains the motto "In God We Trust."
    (2)   That God ... he's the one in the Bible, isn't he?   I'm pretty sure about this.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  82. ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
    (1)   The Pledge clearly states that America is "one nation under God."
    (2)   The existence of God is thus a necessary condition for the existence of America.
    (3)   America exists.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  83. ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS
    (1)   The Declaration of Independence includes references to "God" and "Creator."
    (2)   Only a Christian would include the words "God" and "Creator!"
    (3)   Therefore America is a Christian nation.
    (4)   A Christian nation couldn't last over 200 years without God's help.
    (5)   The nation of China has existed for thousands of years without believing the Bible, but ... that's different.
    (6)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  84. ARGUMENT FROM VANDALISM
    (1)   [Christian rips atheist sticker off car, tears it up, sticks the pieces under the windshield wiper.]
    (2)   Therefore, atheists are wrong.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  85. ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING
    (1)   You believe in the Bible.
    (2)   If I ever find out that you don't believe in the Bible, you won't get any money for college, young lady!
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  86. ARGUMENT FROM TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR
    (1)   If you type too fast, the word "Bible" comes out "Bile."
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is bilious.

  87. ARGUMENT FROM CUSTODY
    (1)   We have legal custody of your son.
    (2)   If you don't pretend that the Bible is true, then we won't let you see him.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  88. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
    (1)   When I pray, either (a) it comes true or (b) God has a better plan, I guess.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  89. ARGUMENT FROM DEMOCRACY
    (1)   Biblegod would never allow a non-Christian to become president.
    (2)   There has never been a non-Christian president.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  90. ARGUMENT FROM PAIN AVOIDANCE
    (1)   If I don't believe the Bible, I'll go to hell.
    (2)   Please don't hurt me, Biblegod.   Please.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  91. ARGUMENT FROM COINCIDENCE
    (1)   We were driving home with our youth pastor when it started to rain really hard.
    (2)   We pulled over to the side of the road, joined hands, and asked Biblegod to deliver us home safely.
    (3)   We arrived home safely!
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  92. ARGUMENT FROM BEER
    (1)   "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
      —   Ben Franklin
    (2)   Beer exists.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  93. ARGUMENT FROM A LACK OF UNIVERSAL DESTRUCTION
    (1)   I woke up this morning and found that the universe still exists.
    (2)   Therefore, its destruction was averted by Biblegod.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  94. ARGUMENT FROM A SONG
    (1)   The song "America the Beautiful" has the line "God shed his grace on thee."
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  95. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN TAUTOLOGY
    (1)   The Bible is true.
    (2)   See statement number 1.

  96. ARGUMENT FROM WOW
    (1)   When I look into the sky I see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies.
    (2)   Wow.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  97. ARGUMENT FROM YOUR FEELINGS WERE HURT
    (1)   You say the Bible isn't true?   Hmmmm ... someone calling himself a Christian must have really hurt you in the past.
    (2)   But of course he wasn't a REAL Christian, because a real Christian can't be a vicious prick.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  98. ARGUMENT FROM ME TAKING THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN
    (1)   You just said, "God-o-mighty."
    (2)   So you really do believe in Biblegod, don't you?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  99. ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE
    (1)   You claim that there's no evidence for the validity of the Bible.
    (2)   But if there were lots of evidence, you still wouldn't be convinced.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  100. THE BIBLICAL PRESERVATION ARGUMENT
    (1)   The Bible hasn't changed much since it was written.
    (2)   Therefore everything in it must be true.

  101. ARGUMENT FROM MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
    (1)   Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in the Bible.
    (2)   I don't think you want to say Dr. King was stupid, do you?
    (3)   That's what I thought.
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  102. ARGUMENT FROM UNIQUENESS
    (1)   The Bible is true, but not in the same way that other things are true.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  103. ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS
    (1)   In tihs essae ill demnstrate that the bibble is truue and u cant PSOosibly reftue. The bibble is relly the tru wrd of Gawd,,then how wwe can refute anya rgument wel'l expose scinetific evidnece that Bibble is rite yOU will fnid an acurate&up 2 date bibliography elswher.
    (2)   [Atheist squints, perplexed]
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  104. ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH
    (1)   Lots of people go to church.   Lots and lots.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  105. ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
    (1)   This pizza tastes funny.
    (2)   That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
    (3)   Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
    (4)   It must be a miracle!
    (5)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  106. ARGUMENT FROM TRAPPED COAL MINERS
    (1)   A bunch of miners got trapped.
    (2)   A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue them.
    (3)   The miners were all found alive.
    (4)   Only God could have done that.
    (5)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  107. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY
    (1)   The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.
    (2)   Can YOU turn water into wine?
    (3)   No?   Well ... there you go!
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  108. APPEAL TO ANTI-SATANISM
    (1)   Satan is bad.
    (2)   You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  109. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY
    (1)   Bite me.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  110. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL PERSECUTION
    (1)   Bite me.
    (2)   OW!   YOU BIT ME!
    (3)   I'm being persecuted!!
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  111. ARGUMENT FROM "FAITH" IN THE OBVIOUS
    (1)   You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  112. ARGUMENT FROM NON-TAXATION
    (1)   Churches don't pay taxes.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  113. ARGUMENT FROM HITTING AND RUNNING
    (1)   [Christian creates an identity on somebody's message board and logs in]
    (2)   "GOD IS REEL AND ALL YOU HEATHEN ATHEIST INFFEDILS WILL BERN IN HELL 4EVER MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!!@#3FD"
    (3)   [Christian logs off and never returns]
    (4)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  114. ARGUMENT FROM PECULIARITY
    (1)   God calls us to be a peculiar people [I Peter 2:9].
    (2)   Stop laughing, you bastard!
    (3)   In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity ...
    (4)   Stop laughing, I said!
    (5)   ... we must be a people apart.
    (6)   This means not listening to anyone whose beliefs are different from ours, because this would taint our peculiarity.
    (7)   If you don't stop laughing ...
    (8)   Therefore, the Bible is true.
    (9)   And the Bible is particularly true because atheists are laughing at us, which means we're persecuted, which means we're special.   And peculiar.

  115. ARGUMENTUM AD TINKERTOY
    (1)   Take some tinkertoys and make several "creations."
    (2)   Take the "creations" apart and dump the pieces into a bag.
    (3)   Shake the pieces up and dump them out on the floor.
    (4)   The tinkertoys will never reassemble themselves into the original "creations."
    (5)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  116. ARGUMENT FROM BURNING
    (1)   [An atheist makes an argument]
    (2)   [A Christian burns the atheist]
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  117. ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS
    (1)   As game theory clearly shows, the irreducibly complex nature of the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum level, and renders God logically necessary.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  118. ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON
    (1)   Graham Chapman appeared in "The Life of Brian," a film that made fun of Jesus.
    (2)   Graham Chapman died of an incurable disease.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.
    (4)   And Biblegod has no sense of humor.

  119. GEORGE W. BUSH'S ARGUMENT
    (1)   God bless America.
    (2)   You're either for us or against us, remember.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  120. ARGUMENT FROM KING JOSIAH
    (1)   Time to expand my kingdom!
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  121. ARGUMENT FROM ARTIFACT
    (1)   Archeologists found the remains of a boat from Jesus' time.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  122. ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD
    (1)   Me and my Dad watched this video where the Virgin Mary appeared on a building in Egypt.   No, it was kinda blurry ... lots of people saw it though, and they were pointing at it.
    (2)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  123. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT YEAR IT IS
    (1)   The years of our calendar are dated from the birth of Jesus.
    (2)   See!   Atheists can't even live without making reference to Jesus!
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  124. ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWN QUALITIES
    (1)   Biblegod has qualities we mere humans can't possibly understand.
    (2)   This answers all the questions about Biblegod.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  125. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
    (1)   Doesn't it just make sense that an all-knowing all-powerful all-good male god punished us because Adam ate a piece of fruit, then (a) came to earth in human flesh and shed his own blood because we broke his rules, and then (b) went to hell on a temporary basis and then (c) went back up into the sky and promised to (d) come back [he can't make up his mind about where he wants to live] and snatch up everyone who believed in him to take them to heaven?
    (2)   Well ... doesn't it?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  126. MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT
    (1)   Jesus was either lord, liar, or lunatic.
    (2)   Can you PROVE he was a liar or a lunatic?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  127. ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
    (1)   There is no such thing as a square circle.
    (2)   God is not a square circle.
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.

  128. ARGUMENT FROM YOU TAKING THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN
    (1)   When you stubbed your toe just now, you said, "Jesus Christ!!!!"
    (2)   Ha!!   Why did you say that?
    (3)   Therefore, the Bible is true.


             
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