1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever (unless you actually marry her).
2. When questioned by a buddy's girlfriend, you must never provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
3. Two men never share an umbrella.
4. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden.
5. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
6. Before dating a buddy's ex-girlfriend, you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is allowed to say, "Man, you're gonna love the way she licks your balls."
7. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" should be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
8. If a man's zipper is down, you didn't see anything.
9. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of your girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into the ceiling fan.
10. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you must never ask who's playing.
11. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, or both waiting in line. For all other situations, the "I-recognize-you" nod will do just fine.
12. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girlfriend, you must attempt one intervention. If he can (a) get to his feet unaided, (b) look you in the eye, and (c) say "Fuck off," then you are absolved from all responsibility.
13. An anniversary is recognized on a YEARLY basis. Under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year.
14. The only time it is legal to screw over your buddy in favor of a girl is when the girl ranks an 8 or above on the 10 scale.
15. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below his waist, it is understood to have been an accident, and NO apologies for (or any reference to) the occurrence is permitted.
16. If a hot girl happens to pass by while you are within arm's reach of your buddy, you must tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of her.
17. One may not speak ill of any Rocky movie (exception: Rocky V).
18. If you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object, you have not made a mistake. You have merely found a way to make the finished object more efficient.
18. A man shall never help another man apply suntan oil.
19. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "Okay" and moving your head towards his crotch. Two homosexual references in a row are not permitted.
