Never a True Christian
How to Win Me Back to Jesus

Christians are under orders from their God to defend their faith. It's I Peter 3:15 ("Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have").

A few Christians are actually willing to try to defend the Christian point of view (whatever that is ... if you try to figure out what "Christianity" is by reading the Bible, and you'll go cross-eyed).

The problem is that Christian doctrine is full of holes, since it is based (most Christians agree on this) on the Bible. Using the Bible as a foundation for ANYTHING (except hatred and bigotry) is like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.

Here's how a Christian could have a chance of winning me (back) to Jesus:

1. Have a sense of humor.

2. Be willing to admit it if you don't know the answer to something. It impresses me when somebody concedes a point ... especially when I know I'm right.

3. If a certain Bible passage is patently weird, be willing to admit it. The Bible is one very strange book.

In fact, dear Christian, you ought to ask yourself: "Do I worship God, or do I worship the Bible?"

4. Stick to the subject, i.e., Christian doctrine and the Bible. Don't start attacking me personally. If I'm a deviant, selfish, sinful person, that doesn't make your Bible (nor your religion) any more valid. Don't say to me:

— "You're not interested in the truth."

Translation: "You disagree with me, which means there's something fundamentally wrong with you."

— "I'm wasting my time with you."

Well, you're damn sure wasting MY time’

--- "I don't mind talking to people who want to learn, but you obviously don't."

Well, for damn sure, there's ONE of us who doesn't want to learn.

--- "You don't have a good understanding of the Bible."

Trust me, pal ... I know it BETTER. I'll match Bible knowledge with you any day of the week.

--- "I am relying on the Bible, the most ancient of books."

That's a lie. Ever heard of the Code of Hammurabi?

--- "You've stated your conclusions, and I know they're false."

[A Christian actually said this to me.]

Translation: "You atheist fool! I'm infallible, just like my God!"

--- "I am not relying on my human ability to reason things out, but on God's stated truth."

Forgive me if I howl with laughter.

--- "It is obvious that you've never read [a certain Bible passage, such as I Cor. 1:12-27]" (which he then quotes at length, as if it answers the question, when in fact it isn't relevant).

My Christian friend, when you make these kinds of statements, it's a clear sign that you're desperate, and you're drowning. Please don't make it so easy for me ... what I'm looking for is a challenge.

And don't ever tell me you're smarter than I am. I'll suggest that the two of us take any standard IQ test, with $500.00 bet on who makes the higher score. Care to put your money where your mouth is?

5. Treat me with basic human respect. Remember, you supposedly are concerned about my eternal soul, and that's why you're taking the time to discuss the Bible with me.

6. Act like a Christian. It really dilutes your evangelistic message when you scream "Fuck you !!"

And avoid the Christian tendency to be a superior know-it-all. "There are none so blind as one who will not see," one Christian said to me. You're not likely to convince me of anything by being a smug bastard. You certainly won't make me want to spend eternity with you.

7. Acknowledge that some of the aspects of your religion are blatantly ridiculous. Pretending to drink Jesus' blood and chew up his epithelium, for instance (what a tasty god we serve!). By the way, Jesus was bodily resurrected, right? How is it that you're eating his corpse on Sunday morning? What's up with that? Are you eating the corpse of a living person?

I am not the enemy. Persuasion isn't conquest.

Christians seem to have developed minds that have great skill in desperately defending a point of view, but not such great skill in sifting out the truth.

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