Euphemisms for Masturbation

A date with Rosie Palms

Auditioning the hand puppet

Beef stroke-it-off

Choking Kojak

Choking the chicken

Cleaning the rifle

Coming into one's own

Cranking the love monkey

Doing handiwork

Doing the five-knuckle shuffle

Driving the skin bus

Firing the flesh musket

Flicking the piss pump

Flogging the hog

Fondling the fig

Frosting the pastry

Giving oneself a low five

Going on PeeWee's little adventure

Grappling the gorilla

Jerkin' the gherkin

Loping one's mule

Making instant pudding

A one-gun salute

Paddling the pickle

Slamming the ham

Hitlerbitch ... where love reigns supreme